FAIL

I'm a failure.

There, I said it. It's out of the way.

I can hear it now, "Aw, Jen, no, you're not, why would you say such things?"

Well, because I made an important goal for myself and I didn't go ANYTHING to meet it.

I tried, I really did. Maybe I should be taking Yoda's advice to heart: "Do, or do not. There is no try." I just don't know why I can't follow through. It's frustrating and a bit embarrassing. I made public a goal and I did NOTHING to achieve it!

How am I supposed to get healthy if I don't take the necessary steps to do so? How am I going to be able to get this weight off if I don't actively do it?! How in the hell am I supposed to do an Ironman triathlon or even go rock climbing as a fat ass? Yes, that's what I am. And don't try to tell me I'm not. It won't help here. I can't wrap my head around this, and I am VERY ANGRY at myself! What is holding me back? I don't understand! I hate not being able to run fast or far. I hate not being able to walk up steps without my knees feeling pressure. I just hate what I've become, and "fat" is more than a physical sight- it's a state of mind. Anyone who is dealing with this knows what I mean. I don't want to lose weight to land a man or gain the approval of my peers- I need to do it for myself! And also to be able to do the things I really want to do! Should I even bother posting goals publicly? Or should I just retreat into a corner, sucking my thumb while curling up in a fetal position? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Why am I my own worst enemy? What is it going to take?

Clearly, I'm approaching this all wrong. I really need to hold on that $500.

Any thoughts?

Am I doomed to be like this forever? Or will I get it through my head that weight-loss ISN'T going to kill me?!

Sigh....